Keeping Porn From the Home

by Amber Piper

In a 2003 Focus on the Family poll, 47.8 percent said porn was a problem in their home. Maybe you’re one of them, unaware of the potential disaster. One small choice by parents can yield devastating results for their children.

But it is never too late for action. Truth always heals. Expose what you are hiding and run to God’s light, keeping these things in mind:

Don’t ever let pornography, hard core or soft core, in your home.

We are not called to submit to a spouse’s desire to use pornography. God hates pornography (see Matthew 5:28 and 1 Corinthians 6:18-20). You have the right to set boundaries to protect you and your family. Do not allow a spouse to minimize his or her actions in bringing porn into your house. After all, only one magazine started it for me. How much will it take for your child?

Resource: The National Coalition for the Protection of Children and Families, www.nationalcoalition.org. Look for a brochure called “It’s Not Your Fault . . . the One You Love Uses Porn” under the Resource & Services tab.

Don’t use shame.

Keep this in mind when confronting a spouse or explaining things to your children. I had already been masturbating for some time (although I didn’t know what it was officially called) when I heard the term at school. When I asked my mom what it meant, she explained and then added, “That is only something bad girls do.” That statement automatically squelched any conversations I could have with my mom about my addiction. It also confirmed what I already believed about myself: that I was a bad girl.

Resource: Sandra D. Wilson’s Released From Shame: Recovery for Adult Children of Dysfunctional Families

Purchase an Internet filter and/or monitoring software.

Internet filters will block certain materials deemed obscene. Monitoring software may allow access to sites but will report suspicious usage to an e-mail address of your choice. These kinds of software are a must.

Resource: www.FilterReview.com

Don’t forget about the cell phone. 

Sexual solicitation is now happening on cell phones too. Each wireless provider has its own parental control standards, which, of course, teens are already figuring out how to override. The best protection is becoming an educated buyer and a compassionate ear to your child.

Resource: “Sex and Cell Phones: Protect Your Children,” a free booklet download available at www.icarecoalition.org/sexandcellphonesprot.asp

Song of Solomon is in the Bible for a reason. Tell your kids why!

In reading this unusual book, we realize God is not embarrassed about our sexuality. Neither should we be. Age-appropriate, honest discussions about God’s design for sex are necessary in this sex-obsessed culture. Explaining God’s healthy view of marriage and sex is just one of the many ways we are called to protect our children.

Resource: See www.family.org, Parenting tab, then Sexuality

Require your spouse to seek help.

If your spouse has a sexual addiction, it’s not your fault. Tell him or her of your love, but require your spouse to seek help. Overlooking it will only continue to enable the behavior. Keep your loved one’s long-term freedom and healing as your goal.

Resource: Dr. James Dobson’s Love Must Be Tough

Get help for yourself.

Be sure you don’t stick your head (and heart) back in the sand. Your compulsions will only lead to destruction — your own, your spouse’s, or your child’s. The God of the Bible, despite what we feel about Him, is safe and holy. He longs for your freedom, so much so that He paid for it with His Son’s death.

While God used my pastor and his wife to help me break free of sexual bondage, more remains for me to be made whole. Working with a praying Christian counselor is highly advisable to undo all the areas porn exposure has shaped in you. Focus on the Family can recommend godly, licensed professional counselors (LPCs) in your area.

Resource: Dan B. Allender’s The Wounded Heart: Hope for Adult Victims of Childhood Sexual Abuse

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