Experiencing the grace of God in an unforeseen challenge.
by Hannah Jo McCain as told to Priscilla Tate Gilmore
My best times were when my immediate family gathered, including nineteen grandkids. The day my sister married, the entire family sat around the dining room table. My mom smiled, then turned to my dad and said, “My quiver is full!” — a reference to Psalm 127:5 and the blessing of children.
I wanted the same thing — a big family — so I told my fiancée that I wanted fifteen kids. His answer: “Great basketball team.”
After marrying Chris McCain in July 2000 and hoping to get pregnant soon, I decorated the nursery and bought scads of diapers. Looking back, I was trying to do everything in my own timing and power to prepare for a baby. I never thought that God might have another plan.
Red flag
Still unable to get pregnant in 2006, my husband and I drove to the Northwest Fertility Clinic in Portland. Before we handed over twenty thousand dollars, I asked a staff member, “What is the percentage that this is going to work?”
The woman never answered my question — a red flag indicating a potential problem or danger. Why isn’t God opening my womb? I wondered. Have I committed some sin that is keeping me from having a baby?
In the season of our infertility, I bought Bible story books so I could teach my “someday” kids. And I quit serving in the church nursery because it was painful to be with kiddos. During the church service on Mother’s Day, I sat, heartbroken, watching friends hold babies and share stories.
Crushed hope
In 2008, several churches in our area organized a group trip to Israel. I wanted to join them because they planned to visit Shiloh, the place where the biblical Hannah prayed for a son. However, six weeks prior to the trip, I found out I was pregnant.
My excitement sank when the ultrasound revealed an ectopic pregnancy, where the fertilized egg implants and grows outside the uterus. Needing emergency treatment, I was rushed to the ER. The doctor injected methotrexate (a medication given to stop the growth of the embryo) and drew blood, hoping that the results would prove that my HCG level (a hormone in the blood) was going down.
Travel plans
At home, the OB/GYN doctor called. “If you were my daughter, I would not have you get on the plane because you could hemorrhage during the thirteen-hour flight.”
Torn about whether to stay or go, I prayed. Israel is known for world-class hospitals, I thought. If I hemorrhage, I will be in good hands. Feeling comfortable, I packed.
Prayer and loss
In Shiloh, I knelt and prayed. “God, as You did for Hannah, please give me a baby.”
A week later, I returned from Shiloh, stepped over the threshold of my house, and ran to the bathroom, hemorrhaging. My mother-in-law rushed me to the hospital for emergency surgery.
I was devasted to lose my first baby but understood the reason for the surgery. After recovering, healing came when a friend asked me to fill in and teach her class of two- and three-year-olds at church. The lesson that day was about Hannah in 1 Samuel. Believing that God still had plans for me, I trusted Him for the outcome.
Baby boy
Samuel James McCain was born January 9, 2009, seven weeks premature. His due date fell on the day I prayed at Shiloh a year earlier.
During the seventeen days that Samuel and I spent in the neonatal intensive care unit, I had the peace that passes all understanding (Philippians 4:13). I could do nothing but sing praises to God and watch my baby. I refused to leave him.
The first night after we brought Samuel home, he slept through the night. I feared he had died, but then calmed down. Perfect baby.
Progressive problems
Samuel changed from perfect to questionable when my mom and I noticed that he never had poopy diapers. The pediatrician prescribed MiraLAX.
Real problems surfaced after that. I stopped nursing Samuel when he was five months old because, needing oral stimulation, he bit me. He started crawling on his belly like a soldier, then opened and shut cupboards repeatedly. Samuel never said “Mama” or looked directly into my eyes.
Professional help
When Samuel was nine months old, I took my worries to the pediatrician. Knowing that there was something neurologically wrong, he referred us to Willamette Education Service District (ESD), a multi-faceted agency that provides special education resources for students and families. Because Samuel was born seven weeks early, we qualified.
Someone from ESD arrived at our house shortly after being contacted. Then over the next six or seven months, they came to our home, observed Samuel, and asked over a hundred questions. When I had had enough, I suggested that he be tested and diagnosed.
Diagnoses and distancing
Samuel, now twenty months old, was educationally diagnosed as autistic. Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) is diagnosed through communication, social interaction, sensory awareness, and patterns of behavior. The person at ESD didn’t put a label on it because there are twenty-seven different types.
Samuel was also diagnosed with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder. We learned that people with autism need routine. They use repetitive motions and behaviors for comfort, can be detailed and rigid to a point, and struggle to process and interpret social cues. Those with ADHD seek out new experiences, become restless, lack attention to detail, and miss social cues due to inattention.
After the diagnoses, we quit going to family gatherings because Samuel became restless, unable to handle the commotion and self-regulate. He would shut down and spend the entire time under the dining room table. Or he would become overwhelmed and run from room to room, where my husband and I had to police his every move.
Hard realities
Following the educational diagnosis, we drove to the Legacy Emanuel Medical Center in Portland, and more questions were answered.
Then at twenty-four months, Samuel was medically diagnosed. After hearing the decision, I was relieved but upset with God. Samuel in the Bible didn’t have autism. Why was our Samuel autistic?
It hurt knowing that I would never be a soccer mom. Or be able to share the gospel and explain to Samuel that he is a sinner in need of a Savior. Samuel’s brain could not process communication. And because I had grown up with a deaf sister, I knew that, like my sister’s condition, this would never go away.
Counseling
A doctor observed my heavy heart and referred me to a biblical counselor at a church in Salem.
The counselor listened to my story and read Psalm 139. My thoughts followed: Samuel is not fearfully, wonderfully made. He’s broken and autistic. The verses were supposed to encourage me, so why was I discouraged?
Then I remembered that we live in a sinful world where people are broken. One day Samuel will be made whole by God who loves and made him.
I fought the enemy, Satan, and gave Jesus the victory by memorizing the entire psalm.
Message from God
One day after coming home from a parenting training class, I cried aloud, “God, I am the wrong parent to do this. I don’t know why You chose to give me a son with autism.”
After I vented, it was as though the Holy Spirit whispered, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness” (2 Corinthians 12:9).
Breakthrough
In God’s strength and by His grace, my woes turned into joy after looking through a children’s board book with two-and-a-half-year-old Samuel. In the middle of a therapy session, he flipped pages. I pointed to pictures, saying, “God loves Adam and Eve, God loves Moses, and God loves Samuel.”
Samuel pointed to himself. He understood!
Drastic change
In 2017, following four miscarriages, we adopted a three-year-old girl from China and named her Shiloh. My family was complete; I was blessed but totally unaware of the problems that lie ahead with Samuel.
The following year, at a time when hormones change in boys, something switched in my eight-year-old’s brain. On one occasion, he wanted something Shiloh was holding. “No, Samuel,” I scolded.
He quickly went from zero behavior to a ten. During the next forty-five minutes, Samuel charged after anyone in his path, biting, scratching,and throwing things.Shiloh ran to her room and locked the door. Samuel’s aggressive behaviors continued daily.
Another plan
Not knowing what to do after these blowups, I prayed for God to show me the answer.
After witnessing one of Samuel’s tantrums, the social worker quoted Romans 8:28: “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” She then suggested a foster home for my son.
My thoughts turned to Hannah in the Bible. As a mom, I understood how difficult it was for her. Now I had to turn my baby over to a substitute home.
Letting go
While my husband was driving Samuel to his new home, I was a wreck. In my living room, filled with mixed emotions, I cried and worshipped.
Then I remembered Job, who fell to the ground and worshipped the Creator God after he lost his family. And Hannah, who must have been shedding tears as I was, worshipped and rejoiced in the Lord’s strength after turning her Samuel over to Eli the priest.
Progress
At seventeen, Samuel is doing great in his foster home. My son has sat through an entire movie, attended a Blazers basketball game, and gone to a circus. And he traveled with us to a Joni and Friends Family Retreat at Twin Rocks campground in Rockaway Beach, Oregon.
Every Monday through Friday, Samuel comes home for a few hours and sits in a recliner next to me, streaming worship services. When the pastor on the television says, “Good morning,” my son will on occasion greet him right back. I giggle, awed at God’s grace and power. And I’ve been able to teach him John 3:16. Pretty amazing for one who is limited to three-word sentences.
Needed assistance
While Samuel streams services, the social worker tech sits across from us and applies principles of Applied Behavior Analysis (ABA), a type of behavior therapy designed to help individuals with autism improve their social, communication, and learning skills while reducing negative behaviors. During the three-hour period she will take Samuel to an area, like the kitchen, teach a new skill, and encourage him to stay focused.
Shiloh loves the way Samuel smiles. She knows it is genuine, a true gift. We are overjoyed when he does something spontaneous, like asking for a hug.
Plan A
Looking back, I believe God had a plan and a purpose for Samuel from the start, even if it was not what I thought it would be. Recently, I learned that God doesn’t have a Plan B. He only has a Plan A. I’m learning to submit to His will whatever that is.
I have also learned that we are all “diamonds in the rough.” By His grace, the Master Jeweler continues to cut and chisel to make Samuel and me into precious jewels.
Scripture quotations are taken from the New International Version.
Resources
Helping parents in dealing with autism: www.autismspeaks.org
For parents who have a child diagnosed with autism: https://joniandfriends.org/
Priscilla Tate Gilmore has two adult children and continues to write from Salem, OR. Her book The Suitcase is a teen novel that speaks to the heart of everyone who reads the story.
Lor